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7 months
19 days
And several agonizing seconds

That’s what it took to get our wedding Thank You cards out.  So, dear friends and family who read this here blog, they’re on the way. And, we’re sincerely sorry for the delay.

So, based on the many emails and the one brave reader who posted a comment on my previous My Detroit Wedding Confession Post, I know I’m not alone. Ok, I KNEW I wasn’t alone. Many of us our guilty of breaking bad!  (For example, my brother’s wedding was in September of 2007 and they STILL have to get their thank you’s out. Yes, my mom is mortified.) 

Here’s what I’ve heard, read and gathered – It doesn’t matter how much time has gone by – six months, one year or even two – get those bad boys out! Ok, so you blew Emily Post’s little etiquette rule of getting them out three months after the wedding date.  But that doesn’t mean you aren’t thankful and you don’t have etiquette. It just means you’re a little late.

My mom and the ladies at her work, which from this point forward I’ll refer to as the clucking hens, talk about this kind of stuff all the time. And, you bet your arse they remember who sent thank you’s and who didn’t.  And you can bet your 401K  that your parents and in-laws get the occasional Thank You card question, comment or SIGH. (For the record, I hate the sigh…)  

Believe me I KNOW Thank You’s can be quite the feat to tackle. All that writing and thanking and remembering can be exhausting – especially if you had a large wedding. So, here’s some tips if you’re late in getting those thank yous out:

1. Buck up. Get over the embarassment that yes you’re later than etiquette dictates with your Thank You’s. Remember – It’s NEVER too late to get them.  Would you rather run into Aunt Gin, Uncle Buck or your Gram and not have those out or have them out and be late?  I choose the latter. So does Emily Post!

2. Make your equally grateful husband to take half the Thank You’s.  Sit down together, chat about the wedding and bust those out.  It’s therapeutic. (Kind of. That’s more pep talk for you to get on it!)

3. You don’t have to finish them all in one sitting. Give yourself a reasonable time frame and each finish X amount a day. (You fill in you the number)

4. If you’re exceptionally mortified by the time that’s passed, write “It’s about time” on the envelope, or write something humorous in the card to acknowledge it’s been a stretch from the wedding date to the execution of your Thank You cards. Of course, this depends on your crowd. If they’re a stuffy bunch, this might not fly. In that case, just get em out and hold your head up high.

 5. Drink wine while writing them, it eases the pain of embarassment. (But don’t drink too much or you might have a disaster on your hands)

6. Reward yourself when finished. 

If you’re a Thank You card etiquette offender, write a comment and tell us how long it’s been.  You know my story!

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So… I made a promise to myself back in January.  I promised I would NOT blog until we got our wedding Thank You cards out.  

I was under the impression that we had one year to get our wedding Thank You’s out the door and into the hands of our friends and family.  Of course, I thought I’d send them the moment I returned from the blissful honeymoon.   Well, I didn’t.  So then, I thought I’d get them out before Thanksgiving.  (As a reminder… our wedding day was Sept. 19, 2009.)  When I missed the Thanksgiving deadline I gave myself until Jan. 1, to get those bad boys off my plate.  Did I, you ask?  NO.  I didn’t.

According to Emily Posts Wedding Etiquette, I’m a BAD, BAD, post bride.  She says I only had three months to get them out.  Here’s an exerpt from her etiquette book:

Contrary to popular myth, the happy couple does not have a year’s grace period. All thank you notes should be written within three months of the receipt of the gift. Ideally, a response should be written on the day you receive a wedding gift. If that’s not possible, set a daily goal. It’s a lot easier to write three or four notes a day than to have to write a hundred notes in a month after the wedding 

So, it’s March 30, and my lovely Thank You cards are still sitting on my dining room table waiting to be completed.  Technically, we’re 3 1/2 months late.  (In all honestly, I’m standing my ground and waiting for my husband to complete his portion.  I had asked him to write them for his family and guests and he agreed.)

Am I embarrassed?  Of course I am.  I had my bridal shower Thank You’s out in record time – THREE DAYS.   I’m itching to blog.  And more importantly, I want everyone to know how very thankful Kenny and I are that they shared such a magical day with us!

With that said, if those Thank You cards aren’t in the mail by April 1, well, all I gotta say is THEY BETTER… cause I got some bloggin to do.

Please leave me a comment and give me a guilt trip. I need it.

Oh, the social norms and laws of a culture!  It’s not always about what the happy couple wants, and often times etiquette is the culprit.  Usually, our parents are the first ones to slap the ‘Book of Etiquette’ at us, right?  And someday, we’ll be the same with our children… or will we?

But, if you think about it… Etiquette is a Dictatorship.   It dictates so many of our decisions!  And, if you don’t follow etiquette, people will question the decision with a sour look on their face.  If you do follow etiquette, you’re not always doing what you want to do.   And, what do you say when etiquette does allow for unconventional wedding decisions?  Because etiquette, like the English language, changes over time.  Do you recite the amended passages as a rebuttal?  I say no.  Why should we have to explain ourselves?  But we do because we feel we have to explain why we’re not conforming to their “perceived” norms.

Anyway, check out this post of some etiquette rules from Canadian Bride‘s blog.  Krista and I share some of the same thoughts and surprises when learning more about etiquette.  And, if you need a complete guideline, check out Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette.  

An exerpt from Canadian Bride’s post…

For example, if a guest is in a relationship (even if you don’t know the sigificant other), you are required to invite the date. (That makes sense.) Etiquette also indicates that the host/hostess is not required to offer guests the opportunity to bring a date (“plus one”) when the guest is not in a long-term relationship. (I didn’t realize that rule.) And Wade wanted to offer all our single friends a “plus one”, which would have been nice but it was not practical due to space constraints. We had a very finite capacity for the meal, and we didn’t want to over invite (um, awkward if 5 people eat their meal in a different room!) but we wanted to have as many friends as possible. If we invited “Sam + 1”, we’d have to wait for the RSVP to find out if Sam is bringing someone or if we have an extra seat. (Of course, boy-friends, girl-friends, spouses, significant others, etc. were all invited even if we didn’t know them.)

Check out her post to read more.  It’s a great post!  I’m curious to know if you are/or did follow the strict rules of etiquette?  Talk to me. 

Anyway, if you just don’t know and what a guide, get the book!

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Married September 19, 2009

About Me

I love my guy. I love my town. I could have a torrid affair with every cake, cookie and cupcake I come across. I love sharing a good bottle wine with good people! And, I truly enjoy blogging about wedding finds. Which is why...

Change is Coming!
When planning my wedding I loved researching and stalking out Metro Detroit venues, vendors and other finds. Now that I'm married, I'd like to turn this blog into a Metro Detroit Wedding resource for all of you. So, change is coming soon!

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